my days (which don't deviate much from the same old ritual anyway) lately consist of daily naps and classes, exorbitant amount of homework, and work as they usually entail (not to mention ample heartbreaking moments, big fights that involve screaming contests, constant cursing, and tears that also slip in between). i've been staying home on weekdays and i swear i'm gradually beginning to morph into a troglodyte, having survived in such impoverished conditions with minimal food (which i should probably applaud myself for)...
but you see, i'd rather daydream a bit, flout the rules a bit, throw in some money down the drain, grab a book pick up on where i left off and read some more...
i'm just sick of it. i'm sick of boring days that are getting way too redundant. i'm sick looking at how friendship comes so cheap these days and how people you used to hang out with start giving you their holier-than-thou, callous attitudes. i'm sick of school and its meek, condescending community... yadda yadda here i am making flak about the world when i'm here sitting doing nothing better than giving myself a kick in the ass for how much stuff i have failed to accomplish, for all the things i wish i could have but did not do. i've just been feeling so inexplicably depressed for reasons unbeknown to even myself. i felt like i did everything within my own fortitude and yet nothing was going according to plan, nothing was going right.
generally when this ensues i either descend into my wayward surliness or indulge myself to pro tempore satisfactions that lie instead in splurging some smackers on that to-die-for bag or another pair of shoes (...only to grunt and cuss my way through paying the bills afterward) but none of that happens, since i have no one to complain to and i'm completely broke at the moment. hence why i'm here, resorting to blogging to channel all the frustration... ha. but it's probably just a phase i'm going through. i fret so much over things unplanned or things i regret doing, while what i should really be doing is savoring the fleeting moments.
for now, i need to
1) study for stats test
2) chill on the bitter pills
3) complain less